Mary said I look like I’ve lost weight.
I don’t know if I have. (I’m committed to not weighing myself, even if I’m really ready to do it.) But, gosh, this heart beating in the chest of a woman raised in America, who learned well the lessons about weight and beauty…gosh, my heart held her words for a long time. It’s been 11 hours since she said that.
Many things have happened in between.
- I had an awesome, unexpected nap, which is deeply important to my health.
- I cleaned the kitchen and did some laundry before my mother arrived.
- My darling mother arrived to help me clean my house and do some serious yard work tomorrow!
- I got to share a delicious meal of salmon (chunks), tender fingerling potatoes, and sugar snap peas with my amazing mother.
- We bought the bricks and such for our project tomorrow.
- My dogs were obedient and fun (for the most part) this evening.
I could have written about any of those things, but the words that velcro’d themselves to me were Mary’s, “Pastor Jennifer, you’ve lost a lot of weight. I can really tell.” I feel a little sad this evening that her words (though kind!) were louder than all the other things today. 48 and I would like to find comfort in loads of things besides the number on the scale. We would like to easily remember that while weight is one measure of health, it is not THE measure of health. 48 and I also remember 33 quite well. 33 and I couldn’t eat much. We were very stressed because of attorneys and court rooms and custody battles. 33 and I only held it together every day because we lived across the street from my parents, and…they held me together every day. 33 and I were thin, but we were not okay.
It’s good for 48 and I to remember 33. She was young, thin, pretty, and very, very vulnerable. We like 48 better because we are stronger.