Be Gentle With You

A SAMMICH!!!!!!

Pretty amazing to take a slice of bread out of the bag, schmear Whole 30 approved mayo on it and add sliced turkey and banana peppers to it. Slice some tomatoes and peel a tangerine, and you have a FEAST! (Please, please, please don’t let gluten/grains affect my arthritis or sleep! Pretty please! I just love bread so much – and I promise to eat it with care from now on, not eating half a loaf of French bread because I can.)

I did have quite a “moment” today with regard to old habits, rewards, and sugar.

Today was paperwork day. Now, if you have a regular brain that holds lots of details in check pretty easily, if you kind of like filing because everything has its place, then you really might not get this. But, paperwork, bill paying, filing, sorting through mail, and other paper-pushing activities are actually painful for me. I will employ every procrastination tactic to avoid it.

It goes like this: Oh! I know I really better get to that paperwork, but the dogs haven’t had baths in a while. Oh, I know owe my financial guy a call, and he’s going to ask me to find some piece of paper I should know how to find, but I can’t really concentrate since my sweaters are still in my closet in late May. I should switch out my wardrobe. I really should.

But, when I can’t procrastinate any more, and it’s time to make it happen, I have to set the stage.

I end up with lots of piles as I sort, and the table is never big enough, so I put these little shelves on the table, so I can stack things above and below.

I gather every scrap of mail I have opened and said, “I’ll get to this later.” Well, it’s later, Jennifer. Here we go. I get some pens and a stapler and post-its.

And I always, always, always pour a Pepsi. I deserve it. It makes the job go down easier. And, to munch on while I work – some Cheezits or chips or something super salty.

So, this time I had to be hyper conscious of my feelings and habits. This time, I heated some water for tea, and I worked without a salty snack. I still accomplished my work, and I felt all the feelings of inadequacy I always feel when that pile of papers whispers, “Normal adults can manage this, Jennifer. They don’t let things stack up. They aren’t behind on things and don’t forget to call their financial guy back. Grownups don’t have the same tasks on their lists for months. They don’t say, ‘Oh, I should call the electrician/plumber/tree trimmer/whomever,’ over and over without calling.” This time, the stack whispered the same things, but this time I didn’t feed my shame liquid sugar and crunchy salt to make it feel better. 48 and I just got our work done today. Well, it’s not done, but it’s all sorted into tasks for tomorrow.